Friday Blue's

              Today I got the no good, lousy, down an out, train driving, Friday blue's.  Today is day five of quitting smoking, and it seems like the worst one yet for cravings.  Usually about this time on Friday I am plotting a night of drinking an jammin with my friends.  I would go first to the liquor store and pick up a bottle of Jagermeister.  Second I would go to the the grocery store to pick up a 24 pack of Busch Lite, and 2 large green Monster energy drinks.  Final stop would be to the gas station to get 4 packs of Basic light 100's;  "cowboy killers" as my friends often call them.  I would feel great cause I knew tonight was going to be a good night.  So, not only am I craving the cigarettes, I'm also craving the Jager & Beer.  I can not even begin to think of drinking only 5 days into quitting smoking.  Because, drinking has been the downfall every time I've quit in the past.  So yes today is definitely the hardest day so far.  In addition to the stress, Hurricane Irene is headed this way.  We live in a double wide trailer, so the news and everyone says to evacuate.  I have lived here for fourteen years and been through several hurricanes.  Now; with the pregnant wife, and my other two kids, I  have to take into account their well being.  Therein lies the problem, my dad, brother, his wife and kids, and my mom live in a brick house about 20 minutes away.  Which sounds great.  Only problem is my mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law all smoke.  And to add fuel to the fire when me and my dad get together we drink.....  I mean we really drink hard; after all we are Irish.  So staying in a house where everyone smokes, and more than likely I will have some drinks, there is a very good possibility I will not make it for 2 days at their house.  Ultimately I will do what is safest for my children.  Maybe I just think to much, or maybe I am just looking for an excuse to smoke.  Today I got the Friday Blues..........

The Balance

             I have always wondered to myself, as I am sure all of you have done at least once.  Where did we come from?  Why are we here?  Is there a God?  Well I don't have the answers.  What I do have is an opinion.  As a child I went to a catholic sunday school.  I also went to pretty much every christian denomination church that I could think of, including mormons.  I never felt like I was being told the truth.  I always felt that I could never have such blind faith in something I could not see, or have some sort of proof.  So in my teen years I always struggled to find what I really believe in.  I had decided for a long while that I was atheist.  I really was always into science.  So I was always down with the whole "Darwin- Evolution", and  "The Big Bang Theory".  One day I was watching a documentary on the science channel http://science.discovery.com/ about the "Large Hadron Collider".  One of the scientist was talking about how they were smashing atoms to see the smallest length of measure known to man. From what I recall basically it was a group of positive and negative charges.  BAMMM!  It was all clear to me. Everything on earth is made with atoms.  You, me, your pet, house's, car's, food, ect...  The atom is basically the smallest building block known to man.  Then I started trying to reason my new found thought.  I immediately thought of the chinese symbol for "yin/yang" .  The Chinese culture is one of the oldest in the world, and their whole philosophy of life is based on this symbol.  Yin/Yang basically means dark/light, evil/good, cold/heat, female/male, death/life, and negative/positive. Then I thought of computers, and binary code specifically.  Binary code basically is a series of  of zero's and one's.  Negative/Positive, minus/plus. They can take almost anything, music, pictures, movies, games, virtual worlds, and turn it into data.  Data is made of a  series or string of series of zero's and one's.  The more I think about it the more things I find to validate this.  So everything that we have come to know with science, explains our world is made up of positive and negative charges.  Some people believe in karma, which is pretty much the same thing.  So this brings me back to Yin/Yang.  The real meaning of Yin/Yang is "the perfect balance".  Our world as we know it is made up of trillions of trillions of positive and negative charges that found the perfect balance.  So I still don't have all the answers, and I still don't know why we are here.  However; I do have something to believe in, and now I know what I am.  I can  a cluster of Atom's trying to find  "THE BALANCE"

Finding the Balance

          I have recently made some changes in my life.  First being I  have a baby boy coming any day now.  Third and final chapter in the child arena.  For the sake of the new and existing children and the wifey, I have decided to give up smoking.  I have smoked for over 17 years.  Today is day four, and I wish I could tell you that it is getting easier, but I am struggling just as hard as day one; if not harder.  I have over the years quit several different times, but it has never lasted.  Once I quit for three months.  I have decided to quit smoking for 2-3 weeks, then my new diet and exercise routine will commence.  I am getting older now and the things that were important to me years, months, weeks, and only days ago somehow aren't as important.  I have set several goals for myself, which is a good thing for everyone to do.  It is important to have something to look forward to, and once you succeed at it, have a feeling of accomplishment. 

           GOALS

1.  Quit Smoking -


2. Eat Healthy(including no sodas/koolaid) -


3. Exercise routine -


4. Make a Blog -


5. Make money on the internet -


6. Make more video's on youtube -

So I have a lot going on over this next year.  I will try to make better use of my time, and get real results in every aspect of this new life.  So if anyone does find this, feel free to comment or give any advice on any topic that concerns you.  I will be spending this year  "Finding The Balance" !